Halloween for Adults, Costumes and Connection: The Tricks and Treats of Erotic Role Play
If you’ve ever wanted to try role play in the bedroom, the month of Halloween is a great time to take the leap!
First, you can shop for sexy costumes EVERYWHERE without anyone looking at you sideways! AND, if your neighbors catch a glimpse of you dressed as a sexy clown, doctor, priest, goblin or cheerleader behind your bedroom curtains, they’ll just assume you’re getting dressed for a local costume party. Now’s the time! A trip to @SpiritHalloween, anyone? Post-Halloween sales could also be a great way to fill your sexy costume drawer.
What is sexual role play?
Sexual or erotic role play is pretending to be characters and enacting a sexual fantasy or scenario for the purpose of sexual pleasure. It can involve just yourself and your partner or partners, characters, outfits, power dynamics, toys, new locations, however little preparation or as much as you want. It can be like a play -You don’t need anything but your imagination, but you can add costumes and props and scenes to your heart’s desire.
Why try erotic role play?
Why? Why not? Maybe because it’s playful, fun, and could be very exciting. Erotic role play gives you a chance to immerse yourself into your fantasies, to play make-believe, to be playful, or to dive deeper into darker fantasies in a safe controlled pretend environment. Erotic role play gives us a chance to experiment and explore with characters, fantasies, various parts of ourselves, play the part of different people and/or pretend that our partner or partners are a variety of different characters as well – How fun! Often as we adults age out of adolescence, we forget the value of “play” and this is a huge loss for our self-care. Erotic role play is exactly that; It’s PLAY. It’s also a space where we can be more vulnerable and create connection and intimacy with our partner(s).
How Do You Choose What to Do?
Sexual fantasy time! According to research reported by Justin Lehmiller from his book “Tell Me What You Want; The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life”, here are the most common sexual fantasy themes: (1) Multipartner sex, (2) Power, control, & rough sex, (3) Novelty, adventure, and variety, (4) Taboo and forbidden sex, (5) Partner sharing and non-monogamous relationships, (6) Passion and romance, and (7) Erotic flexibility, specifically, homoeroticism and gender-bending (Lehmiller, J., 2018). Do you feel SEEN? Boo!
There are so many options of role plays you can experiment with from the themes above. Power and control? Dominant and submissive role play or King and a sexy peasant. Taboo and forbidden sex? Professor and college schoolgirls/boy or Doctor/nurse and a patient are great ‘taboo’ role plays to play with. Partner sharing and non-monogamous relationships? Maybe you could share fantasies of of a third while pleasuring each other or maybe you have a third partner and you all three get to play dress-up! Passion and romance? Dress up in your finest fanciest dress-up clothes and separately meet up at a bar, pretending to meet as “strangers” for the first time.
This erotic role play can be such a sexy fun date as you can be anyone you want and play easy or hard to get and have a hot ‘one night stand’ with your long-term partner. Erotic flexibility, and gender-bending anyone?? Experiment with your partner pretending to be characters of different genders, with costumes and all – this could be a hot experiment for all involved!
How to Introduce Role Play to a Partner?
So how would YOU like to talk to your partner about erotic role play? First, do you feel safe to bring up your sex life with your partner? If yes, then let’s go for it. Tell your partner you’d love to share some fun sexy / spicy / naughty ideas with them and do they feel open to having that conversation? If yes, plan a time and date over a date-night-in, maybe with a cozy ambiance and some lovely snacks.
Maybe share that you’d like to experiment with role play in the bedroom and ask them if they’d be interested in hearing more? If yes, then keep the conversation going. Ask if they’d like to hear what kinds of role plays you’re interested in trying and if they say yes, then share more. Ask them what kinds of role plays they might want to try and listen supportively and with curiosity.
Explore and potentially even plan a sexy date night to try what mutual role plays sound hot to both of you!
How to plan the role play?
Here are some options of potential questions to plan your first role play. This is not an exhaustive list, but just some ideas to help your mind start to get creative.
What role or identity do I want to play? What do I want to wear to feel sexy?
- Might there be some key aspects to the role play, (this then that, then that)?
- Imagine a role play through the 5 Senses: Feel, hear, see, smell, taste?
- What are some things you want to hear?
- What do you want to see?
- What do you want to feel?
- What do you want to taste, smell?
- Psychological..? What role / identity do you want to feel?
- What other parts of the role play are important to you
- What are your desires?
- What are your boundaries?
- What and how will we check in with each other?
- How will we share if we’re ok / not ok?
I hope these questions helped create some lightbulb moments for you to start having fun exploring erotic role play for how you and your partner might get started! If you are Erotic Role Play veterens or newbies, thanks for reading! I hope this blog helps you get into the ‘Spirit’ of Halloween or Erotic Role PLay or both!
In gratitude,
